"i knew a guy who was dyslexic, but he was also cross-eyed, so everything came out right."

"This afternoon, we walked into a fruit store, and the clerk thinks I'm some out-of-town hick. 'Those apples will be two bucks each," he tells me. That's where I outsmarted him. I pass over a five. And as he's about to give me a dollar change, I say, "Keep it, we're even. On the way in, I stepped on a grape.'"